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南宫官网搞乐图:逐日搞乐GIF三十篇!
发布时间:2024-03-18 20:05
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  4.一只兔子调戏了一只老狼,狼紧追不舍,眼看就要追上了,兔子赶紧急转弯跑到树下,拿起报纸,又带上墨镜,狼追过来,不睹兔子影踪,便问:你适才有没看到一只兔子从这里跑过?兔子顿了顿:阿,是不是一只刚调戏过狼的兔子,老狼大惊: 我糙,有没搞错,这么速就上报纸了

  1.孙子不听话,爷爷罚他站到太阳底下受罪。天色太热,孙子晒得满脸流汗,怪可怜的。父亲从外面回来,一睹云云子,就动了怒火,二话没说,噔噔噔也站到太阳下边陪晒,嘴里还不住地嚷叫:你晒我儿子,我也晒你儿子。有三个绿头巾商定去偷别人桑梓里的果子。第一个体翻过围墙,须臾就掉到了主人挖的陷井,沾了混身屎。他不作声,第二个体也翻过来,也沾了混身屎宝运莱官网,那人仇恨他不提示。别让第三个体听到南宫官网,等他也也翻过来,也沾了混身屎,群众都相似,就谁也不乐谁了!”

  5.一天男友问女友:“你要的浪漫是奈何的?”女友解答说:“ 我要的浪漫很简易……咱们两个去侵掠,然后正在侵掠胜利后携款潜遁中,你不幸被捕,宁死不招,锒铛入狱……留下我一个体黯然神伤……挥霍无度的渡过余生……”男友:……

  3.火车上Z6尊龙官网,看到一对佳偶。女的侧卧正在男的腿上睡着了。窗外太阳挺大,帘子也不行所有遮住,然后男的就悬开首掌助女孩遮挡照正在脸上的阳光。这个状貌支持了永久,直到谁人女的醒来后看到哭了,抽泣着问:“你是不是念打我永久了?”

                                                // 2){ var textDat = textDiv.innerHTML; var br = textDat.toLowerCase().indexOf("=0 && divTop var sWeek = new Array("星期日", "星期一", "星期二", "星期三", "星期四", "星期五", "星期六"); var dNow = new Date(); var CalendarData = new Array(100); var madd = new Array(12); var tgString = "甲乙丙丁戊己庚辛壬癸"; var dzString = "子丑寅卯辰巳午未申酉戌亥"; var numString = "一二三四五六七八九十"; var monString = "正二三四五六七八九十冬腊"; var sx = "鼠牛虎兔龙蛇马羊猴鸡狗猪"; var cYear, cMonth, cDay, TheDate; CalendarData = new Array(0xA4B, 0x5164B, 0x6A5, 0x6D4, 0x415B5, 0x2B6, 0x957, 0x2092F, 0x497, 0x60C96, 0xD4A, 0xEA5, 0x50DA9, 0x5AD, 0x2B6, 0x3126E, 0x92E, 0x7192D, 0xC95, 0xD4A, 0x61B4A, 0xB55, 0x56A, 0x4155B, 0x25D, 0x92D, 0x2192B, 0xA95, 0x71695, 0x6CA, 0xB55, 0x50AB5, 0x4DA, 0xA5B, 0x30A57, 0x52B, 0x8152A, 0xE95, 0x6AA, 0x615AA, 0xAB5, 0x4B6, 0x414AE, 0xA57, 0x526, 0x31D26, 0xD95, 0x70B55, 0x56A, 0x96D, 0x5095D, 0x4AD, 0xA4D, 0x41A4D, 0xD25, 0x81AA5, 0xB54, 0xB6A, 0x612DA, 0x95B, 0x49B, 0x41497, 0xA4B, 0xA164B, 0x6A5, 0x6D4, 0x615B4, 0xAB6, 0x957, 0x5092F, 0x497, 0x64B, 0x30D4A, 0xEA5, 0x80D65, 0x5AC, 0xAB6, 0x5126D, 0x92E, 0xC96, 0x41A95, 0xD4A, 0xDA5, 0x20B55, 0x56A, 0x7155B, 0x25D, 0x92D, 0x5192B, 0xA95, 0xB4A, 0x416AA, 0xAD5, 0x90AB5, 0x4BA, 0xA5B, 0x60A57, 0x52B, 0xA93, 0x40E95); madd[0] = 0; madd[1] = 31; madd[2] = 59; madd[3] = 90; madd[4] = 120; madd[5] = 151; madd[6] = 181; madd[7] = 212; madd[8] = 243; madd[9] = 273; madd[10] = 304; madd[11] = 334; function GetBit(m, n) { return(m >> n) & 1; } function e2c() { TheDate = (arguments.length != 3) ? new Date() : new Date(arguments[0], arguments[1], arguments[2]); var total, m, n, k; var isEnd = false; var tmp = TheDate.getFullYear(); total = (tmp - 1921) * 365 + Math.floor((tmp - 1921) / 4) + madd[TheDate.getMonth()] + TheDate.getDate() - 38; if(TheDate.getYear() % 4 == 0 && TheDate.getMonth() > 1) { total++; } for(m = 0;; m++) { k = (CalendarData[m] < 0xfff) ? 11 : 12; for(n = k; n >= 0; n--) { if(total <= 29 + GetBit(CalendarData[m], n)) { isEnd = true; break; } total = total - 29 - GetBit(CalendarData[m], n); } if(isEnd) break; } cYear = 1921 + m; cMonth = k - n + 1; cDay = total; if(k == 12) { if(cMonth == Math.floor(CalendarData[m] / 0x10000) + 1) { cMonth = 1 - cMonth; } if(cMonth > Math.floor(CalendarData[m] / 0x10000) + 1) { cMonth--; } } } /*戊戌狗年 腊月廿*/ function GetcDateString() { var tmp = ""; tmp += tgString.charAt((cYear - 4) % 10); tmp += dzString.charAt((cYear - 4) % 12); tmp += sx.charAt((cYear - 4) % 12); tmp += "年 "; if(cMonth < 1) { tmp += "(闰)"; tmp += monString.charAt(-cMonth - 1); } else { tmp += monString.charAt(cMonth - 1); } tmp += "月"; tmp += (cDay < 11) ? "初" : ((cDay < 20) ? "十" : ((cDay < 30) ? "廿" : "三十")); if(cDay % 10 != 0 || cDay == 10) { tmp += numString.charAt((cDay - 1) % 10); } return tmp; } function GetLunarDay(solarYear, solarMonth, solarDay) { if(solarYear < 1921 || solarYear > 2020) { return ""; } else { solarMonth = (parseInt(solarMonth) > 0) ? (solarMonth - 1) : 11; e2c(solarYear, solarMonth, solarDay); return GetcDateString(); } } function getFullYear(d) { // 修正firefox下year错误 yr = d.getYear(); if(yr < 1000) yr += 1900; return yr; } /*写入页面*/ function showDate() { var D = new Date(); var yy = D.getFullYear(); var mm = D.getMonth() + 1; var dd = D.getDate(); var ww = D.getDay(); var ss = parseInt(D.getTime() / 1000); var h = D.getHours(); var m = D.getMinutes(); var s = D.getSeconds(); var sValue = getFullYear(dNow) + "年" + (dNow.getMonth() + 1) + "月" + dNow.getDate() + "日" + " " + sWeek[dNow.getDay()] + " "; sValue += GetLunarDay(yy, mm, dd); sValue += shapetime(h,m,s); document.getElementById("pDate").innerHTML = sValue; setTimeout("showDate()", 500); }; /*格式化时间*/ function shapetime(h, m, s) { if(s <= 9) s = "0" + s; if(m <= 9) m = "0" + m; if(h <= 9) h = "0" + h; return h + ":" + m + ":" + s } window.onload = showDate;