Before Ane Fallarme, I was… Give me a minute while I think about it.  

It seems I need more than a minute.

Wow. I don’t know who I was back then. I don’t even remember what my e-mail address was before I was Ane Fallarme.

I know for a fact that in elementary, my peers called me Nadezna. That’s my first name. DON’T EVER CALL ME THAT UNLESS YOU CAN PRONOUNCE IT PROPERLY, WITH EMPHASIS ON THE “Z”. And DON’T YOU DARE SHORTEN IT TO NADEZ OR DEZ! My parents could have chosen a simpler name, but noooo, they had to make it Russian and unique. Whatever. They didn’t have to live with it.

Anyway, BEFORE ANE FALLARME.

In high school, I was known by my second name, Joanne. But somehow, my friend Nikki started calling me ANE. Now that I think about it, she was the first person outside my family to call me by that name, and my other friends started calling me that too, and it stuck so since then, I was known as ANE.

However, back then, I wasn’t married, but I was never known as Ane Dominguez. I was just known as Ane. I don’t know why I didn’t use my last name, perhaps I was trying to be like Cher or Madonna. LOL. I think it was mostly because I hated it when people mistake me as being related to one of the biggest and richest clans in Bontoc. I have nothing against their clan, but it was really embarrassing to have to say I’m not related to their clan. One time, my friend, Carla’s grandfather asked me if I was related to the Dominguez clan of Bontoc and I said yes just for the heck of it and then he started asking me about my “grandfather” and telling stories about them and then asking me how some of the members of the family were doing. Carla and I laughed our heads off and when he asked why we said that I wasn’t really related to them at all, he didn’t find it amusing   but his reaction was priceless. I wonder if my friend Carla remembers this. This happened when we were in Summer school in preparation for our 1st year in high school and we were in the dining room of their Inn having lunch after going horseback riding. Remember Carls? LOL.

So, BEFORE ANE FALLARME.

I honestly cannot remember who I was. I know they say that you’ll never go far in life unless you know how to look back and acknowledge where you came from. I do know where I came from, I do know what I have been through BEFORE I WAS ANE FALLARME, but I just can’t remember who I was as an individual. I still remember the hardships I went through. I still remember the people who helped me to be where I am now. I still remember how bad and dark my path was then. I remember everything. EXCEPT who I was.

Who I was before ANE FALLARME is pretty much who I am right now, except that life has gotten a whole lot better.

No longer am I the sad, hurting, insecure little girl I was then. Sure, I still have insecurities, I’m too vain not to have any. And I still encounter problems and have bad days, but somehow it’s easier to deal with problems now. Does it have anything to do with age? Have I actually grown up? I’d like to think so. Although I know I can still be immature sometimes, but who isn’t right?

I suppose I’m having a hard time figuring out who I was then because I had so many masks on, it’s hard to tell when I wasn’t wearing a mask. I think that’s why I love being Ane Fallarme so much, because I am truly unmasked.  

Thank you ROMMEL FALLARME. For making me comfortable enough to remove my masks. For loving me. For giving me the life. For making my life worth something. For making me grateful for every single day that is given us. For making me feel secure about who I am. For giving me your name.  For being my other half, as cliché as it may sound, you do complete me, somehow I think ANE wouldn’t have been as awesome as ANE FALLARME is.