WARNING: Crazy person ranting.
I don't know how to start. I am feeling angry, deprived and misunderstood and a little bit unappreciated. I know I know, it sounds like I am suffering from a case of PMS. I really don't know exactly why I feel so glum, I just do, and I prefer to blame it on PMS rather than think I am crazy. Although, I think I am and I feel crazy sometimes.
Recently, I feel so annoyed and irritated with my kids. Especially Lucas. Which is weird, because I don't usually feel like that towards him, usually I only feel proud and amused when it involves Lucas, I get annoyed with Chakai, but that's a given, she's a kid, and she talks way too much and she does annoying things. I love them both very much and I feel bad that I feel annoyed and irritated with them lately. I can't help it. I try not to feel that way but I still do. I feel like such a bad person. I am crazy. It doesn't help the fact that Lucas is once again extra clingy because he has been sick, he had a fever yesterday but it seems that he's doing better because he didn't have fever the whole day today, which is good, but it doesn't change the fact that he's needy.
What annoys me the most is how my kids act when B is home. They act differently around him. it's weird. They act all nice and well behaved when it's just us, but when B gets home, it's a different story, they act all demanding and bratty. It. freakin. drives. me. insane. Sometimes, out of frustration I just want to scream because I can't get them to do anything when B is home, that applies especially to Chakai. B lets them get away with almost anything because to him, they are just acting how kids should. Whatever. It still freakin annoys me.
What annoys me the most is how my kids act when B is home. They act differently around him. it's weird. They act all nice and well behaved when it's just us, but when B gets home, it's a different story, they act all demanding and bratty. It. freakin. drives. me. insane. Sometimes, out of frustration I just want to scream because I can't get them to do anything when B is home, that applies especially to Chakai. B lets them get away with almost anything because to him, they are just acting how kids should. Whatever. It still freakin annoys me.
B and I have no problems when it comes to our sex life. But because I am irritated and annoyed with him too, we haven't done it in a week. Which is weird. I hate it, but I am not about to give in and be the one to initiate it. I think B is annoyed with me too because I am annoyed with him and the kids and he has been staying away from me, I guess because he is avoiding a fight, he knows how I tend to lose my temper when I am in a lousy mood. I guess I can't blame him. I guess he knows I will come to him when I am good and ready. B is so patient and giving it drives me crazy. Doesn't he get the fact that maybe I am testing him and that I want him to want come to me? He'd rather leave me alone than push himself on me. I think I am crazy, I want him to stay away and yet I don't want him to. Crazy.
I know that my family appreciates me and even though they don't say it, I know they love me. I know it. But I feel under appreciated and I feel like whatever I do, no matter how much effort I put into doing it, it'll never be enough. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. Sometimes I feel so unimportant I feel so bad. I feel pressured to do more and yet too pressured to do anything. Does that make any sense? I swear it made sense in my head.
Ugh! I hate feeling this way. Feeling crazy and unstable and being in such a lousy mood. I hate this and yet I have no idea how to stop it. I wish there was some kind of switch so I can just stop feeling so damn grouchy and touchy and acting like a crazy person. I swear there must be something freakin wrong with me. I wish I could just figure out why I am feeling this way, other than the fact that Iam might be crazy.
Anyway, I should end it here before I give you guys any more clues to confirm the fact that I am insane. Thank you to Maria for creating such a wonderful meme, I feel kind of normal after ranting like a crazy person. So go join us in the crazy fun. Visit Conversations With Moms, grab the button and rant away.
I hope the weekend goes better for me and I hope that all of you have a great weekend.
I know that my family appreciates me and even though they don't say it, I know they love me. I know it. But I feel under appreciated and I feel like whatever I do, no matter how much effort I put into doing it, it'll never be enough. I don't know why I feel that way, but I do. Sometimes I feel so unimportant I feel so bad. I feel pressured to do more and yet too pressured to do anything. Does that make any sense? I swear it made sense in my head.
Ugh! I hate feeling this way. Feeling crazy and unstable and being in such a lousy mood. I hate this and yet I have no idea how to stop it. I wish there was some kind of switch so I can just stop feeling so damn grouchy and touchy and acting like a crazy person. I swear there must be something freakin wrong with me. I wish I could just figure out why I am feeling this way, other than the fact that I
Anyway, I should end it here before I give you guys any more clues to confirm the fact that I am insane. Thank you to Maria for creating such a wonderful meme, I feel kind of normal after ranting like a crazy person. So go join us in the crazy fun. Visit Conversations With Moms, grab the button and rant away.
I hope the weekend goes better for me and I hope that all of you have a great weekend.
Notice how there aren't any smileys? That's how glum I feel, no room for any kind of smileys whatsoever.
LATM Thanks her First Commenter with linky love
Thank You for gracing me with your presence
Thank You for gracing me with your presence
25 People who read my diary and left their thoughts:
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Hi Ane! :* :* :*
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=-O =-O I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling glum Ane! *HUGS*
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Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal. A lot of us have gone through it, especially when a child is sick that needs extra energy.
I've been there before.
I added your link to my Mister Linky. It wasn't working before for some reason. Thanks for the continued support.
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Ane! I'm so sorry you feel so glum! :( If talking helps you get through it, I'm here. Lots of hugs from me! :)
Anyway, my mom used to be moody all the time, especially when she just came back from work and feeling tired. I secretly think that she hated it that my siblings and I were always chatty when our dad comes home. I'm not implying that you're like my mom, but I guess every mom would feel the same way as you're feeling right now at some point.
Don't feel bad because you certainly are not a bad or a crazy person. Maybe you should call you sis and have a girlie chat or something. No talks about the family, kids or B, just normal, girlie chats. I think you need some of that.
Big hugs for you, Ane! :* :*
I really don't know what to say....other than that maybe you need a little free time or a vacation dearie... :* :*
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oh ane.. *hugs* it's so weird.. but i'm feeling the exact same way.. it's crazy!! I hate feeling this way.. and i try to pull myself out of this loony feelings and situation but i just can't. J is also leaving me alone and it pisses me off even more.. but i can't blame him at the same time. who wants to be around moody people. With buddy having his mild tonsilitis, and was given a week off from school, and being very demanding, i feel like my head is gonna explode!!
But i guess, most mothers and wives feel like this at one point or another.. hang in there.. and if it makes you feel any better.. you're not alone. *hugs*
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Hey sweetie, cheer up! Keep yourself busy doing the things that YOU love, go farming if u have to he he! :-P :-P :* :*
Hugs! We all get irritated with other ppl sometimes, no matter now much we love them. :* :* :*
OMG you sound so much like me! And your husband sounds so much like my husband!
I have been wanting to comment on this post since you first wrote it but my computer kept crashing and so I figured out that from now on I need to use Mozilla Firefox when viewing your page.
Anyway, first of all you are not crazy. I think it is only natural to feel this way - being a woman and a mother! The other day I told Joe that I have a pet peeve with Logan because Logan has started hiding my stuff! Joe was like, how can you have a pet peeve with a 14 month old?! Husbands/fathers just don't have the same experiences because they're not with their child/children as much as we are - and it's hard when you don't feel like they can relate or know exactly what you are going through (especially when it's something frustrating). Whenever I feel angry and depressed I soon discover it's because I'm feeling misunderstood or not heard. . .sometimes by everyone I know! Don't forget to reward yourself - sometimes what makes me feel better is when I start appreciating myself! Focus on what a great mom you are - because you are!!!!
I know what you mean as far as your kids acting different with B - Logan is much more whiny around Joe, and so then he expects me to take over but that's my only time for a break! Kind of hard to feel in the mood for sex then! :-P
I hope that you had a good weekend and are feeling better now. Because you deserve it - you are a fantastic wife and mother!!!!!!!!
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Thanks for the hugs Mon! I feel better! :)
Hey Maria, I feel better knowing that I am not at all crazy and it comforts
me that at least someone can relate to how I am feeling.. Thanks so much for
taking the time to visit and make a comment.. and you're welcome.. I love
Friday Frustrations! :) Thank you for this wonderful meme! :)
Thanks for the hugs Debbs! :) It comforts me that I have great friends like
you! :)
I can so totally relate with your mom Debbs.. I guess at some point the
demands of being a mom is so much that it can be overwhelming, I think
that's how I felt.. Thanks Debbs.. I feel so much better.. :)
I thought of that too Debbs... but my sister is sick and she can't come home
right now, I don't feel right about venting about my problems when she is
sick.. She is suspected of having the A H1N1 virus and we are all at the
edge of our seat waiting for her results.. I feel so bad for her, because I
want to be there for her but it's a risk, so she's alone and I hate that she
is.. So can't really have that girlie chat just yet, I hope she gets cleared
of any suspicions and get sent home so I can take care of her.. My mom is
busy and can't really check on her, so I feel angry and at the same time
helpless.. you know?
I have been wanting to go on a vacation for the longest time Mon! :-D Our
anniversary is coming up, not our wedding anniversary, but the anniversary
of the first time we ever became a couple.. So, am hoping we can have a
weekend or something together, with or without the kids, but preferably
without the kids.. LOL :-D
hehe thanks so much Marzie.. I shall go farming! :-D
Hey Shem! Thanks so much for the support and I am here for you too if you
need another crazy person to talk to.. :) yay for us crazy people! LOL :-D I
feel better now Shem, it's a new week, so am hoping it'll go a lot better!
:)
Thanks Marzie! I love getting hugs from all of you!! :)
Hey Andrea! I feel better now, thanks! :) Being a wife and mother certainly
has its moments, but am glad that I am not the only person going through a
"crazy" phase.. :) thanks so much for making me feel sane.. :)
I'm so happy you're feeling much better!! So am I!! LOL! You know, when I
was going "crazy".. while we were out, we were walking in the parking lot,
and this guy came zooming in and parked at the disabled person's lot. When
he came out, I went up to him and said, "You're not disabled!!!" then I
glared at him and walked away.. J was pulling me and said, "what did you do
that for?" then I said, "IT's true!! He's not disabled! It's wrong!!" a
couple of people heard me and they looked at him while he was standing there
looking dumbfounded!! Hahahaha.. I was in such a nasty mood last week!!
LMAO!
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I would've done the same thing Shem! Shame on people for parking on the
disabled's parking space when they aren't disabled! yay you! :-D
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