Life According to Me

Last February 19th, my princess turned 10. I am happy and at the same time sad. I feel this way every freakin’ year during her birthday.  I cannot decide whether I’m happy because she has grown into this wonderful person who I am just so proud of OR sad because she is just growing up darn to fast for my liking. I don’t even know what type of emoticon to use for that last sentence!

B asked Chakai how it felt like being a 10 year old and how she was doing and everything. She said she still felt pretty much the same, except for the fact that now her age has 2 digits, but that’s just about it. Then I asked, so you don’t feel anything new? Like certain feelings you wish to tell us? To which she replied, “hmm, not really”. So it begins. I have a tween.

What the hell is a TWEEN anyway?! There was no such thing back in the day! It was either you were a kid, a teenager or a woman. That’s it. The world has gone bonkers.

So according to the Urban Dictionary:

TWEEN:

1. Girls aged 9 to 14. Too old for toys, Too young for boys.

So. I have a tween. I don’t exactly know how to deal with that.

I’ve written Chakai dozens of letters from when I was still pregnant with her, I thought for sure I was going to die giving birth to her, thus the reason behind the letters. It was inspired by Michael Keaton’s movie, My Life. I’ll write about that soon on ANE.

Anyway, 10 years from now, I want her to be able to read my blog and read this open letter I’ve written for her on her birthday.

Dear Chakai,

My pumpkin, my Chakviers. Happy birthday. I love you oh so much. I hope you know that, even if I am grumpy and I lose my temper quite easily. I’ve told you that it wasn’t you and I am going to tell you again, it’s not you, it’s me. I am the way I am because I am stressed out most of the time. Remember when you were younger I wasn’t always like this, well, maybe, but not as extreme. I’m working really hard to achieve the balance I need to be able to work and run our home the way it should be run. I’m so very thankful for how patient and understanding you are.

Bear with me some more as I go through my mood swings. I promise I will do my best not to be such a grouch when I am stressed out and working, it’s no excuse, I shouldn’t take out my frustrations at you and I apologize for doing so, I don’t do it intentionally. I would never hurt you, Lucas or your Daddy.

It looks like your Daddy and I did a great job of raising you so far.  

I’ve always told you that it doesn’t matter to me if you get high grades or not, what matters to me is that you enjoy school and that you learn. High grades will only get you so far, in the end, it’s common sense and moral values that are going to make you successful in life. So, take it easy, enjoy school and have fun.

I love you Chakai.

Thank you for taking good care of Lucas, I know he gets on your nerves and he pushes all your buttons, but a little more patience, okay sweetheart? It won’t be long, he’ll be old enough and then we’ll make him our personal butler. We’ll drag him to the salon when we get our hair and nails done and we’ll have him carry all our shopping bags for us and then have him drive us anywhere we go. Sounds good? It’s a plan then!

Everything that I do, I do for you, Lucas and Daddy and although I may get tired sometimes, I will not stop doing it because I love the three of you oh so very much.

I will always be here for you no matter what. You can tell me anything and it will never change how I feel for you. I hope that you continue to grow up gracefully and become the best person that God has intended you to be.

10 years from now, you’ll find this letter and I hope by that time, we are still as close as we are today. I love you forever honey bunny.

,

Mommy