Friday Frustrations: It wasn't Me*

Ever since my grandma came home from the states, the kids and I spend the weekends over at her house. My grandma lives with his son, my uncle, my aunt their 2 kids, it's also where my sister, Coy, comes to stay whenever she's in town. The house she lives in was where my sister and I was raised, it's kind of like an ancestral house.

So anyway, my uncle is a heavy smoker, like you wouldn't believe, the only time he's not smoking is when he's asleep. Although, he only smokes in specific areas in the house, like in his room, in the bathroom, outside in the laundry area, outside the front door or sometimes by the kitchen door. He smokes more than a pack a day and although he tried to quit before, he wasn't successful.

I used to be a smoker too, until 6 years ago when I quit because of health reasons and because B wanted me to. It was hard but I did it. I remember when I was trying to quit I would sneak a couple of smokes and B would catch me and we'd get into a fight because he felt I was betraying him, and I was scared I'd lose him, so I finally quit the habit. Occasionally, B lets me smoke, but only when we're drinking because he knows I can hold my liquor better when I smoke, I don't smoke whenever he's not around because I don't want him to think that I am betraying him and I don't want to break the trust that he has given me, so whenever I am out with my friends for coffee, although most of them are smokers, I don't smoke, and my friends don't influence me because they know better than to cross B.

So anyway, when my grandma came home, she complains of my uncle's smoking habits, but my uncle can't quit the habit, but to be considerate of my grandma, he has limited his smoking within the confines of his room and the bathroom. One time, when he was out, the bathroom smelled like cigarette smoke and immediately my grandma accuses me of smoking. I denied it, but my sister gave me the look and so I just said, "okay, sorry.". Yes, it was my sister, my sister smokes, but only her friends and I know. I wasn't about to rat her out to our grandma but it frustrates me that I get blamed whenever my grandma smells smoke and my uncle isn't around. But what else can I do right? My grandma gave me a sermon on how I shouldn't smoke and all that, you know how old people can get. That is not the only frustrating thing, if B found out, he might think I actually slipped of off the band wagon and started smoking again, which is not the case and I really don't want him to think that. I don't want B to think that I could betray him with something as petty as smoking. I mean come on, I am not about to risk my entire relationship with B just so I can sneak a smoke. So to my sister, I love you and I won't rat you out, but light a candle or something when you smoke or at least wait for tito Jhun to use the bathroom and then use it, I am tired of hearing mama (that's what we call our grandma) tell me how smoking can be bad for me, I got that whole speech when I was a teen, I don't need to be reminded of it again.

*sigh* I feel so much better. Got a frustration? It feels better to write it down, so head on over to Conversations With Moms and join us or you can just read other people's frustrations, that makes me feel better too.

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